Highlights (and I swear I'm not making these up):
The Workers' Party of Korea put forward a far-reaching target to open the gate to a thriving nation in 2012 that marks the centenary of birth of Kim Il Sung by representing the requirements of the developing revolution and the aspirations of the people and aroused the whole Party, the entire army and all the people to a new general offensive.
Last year, too, he [Kim Jong Il] stood in the van of our army and people, wisely leading their efforts to build a powerful nation, by giving full scope to his inexhaustible energy.(And you thought he was busy watching movies and having a stroke.)
Of all of President Kim's remarkable achievements in 2008, however none can top this one:
Pyongyang, the capital of the revolution, was spruced up and the socialist fairyland was unfolded everywhere to change the looks of the country tremendously.
Um... socialist fairyland?
The piece goes on to offer a New Year's resolution for the North. It helpfully suggests that
We should redouble our efforts to add glory to the socialist system that is permeated with the desire of the anti-Japanese revolutionary forerunners and the blood and sweat of heroes of the Chollima era. All the people should join the strong current of the times in high spirits and become the pacesetters in the revolutionary upsurge and patriotic fighters in the Songun era.
We should fully apply the mode of struggle and creation of our style.
Collectivism and self-reliance are our peculiar mode of revolution and nothing is better than this.
Oddly enough, this was a rejected early lyric for the Talking Heads' song Girlfriend Is Better. Eventually, Byrne thankfully went with "I've got a girlfriend with bows in her hair and nothing is better than that. Is it?" And rock history was made.