Sunday, September 21, 2008

GA week, here I come!

It's the General Assembly's week to shine! World leaders will be coming to make speeches and hold contentious press conferences! As a world leader, here's how to be noticed!

1. Be a ruthless tyrant! Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Robert Mugabe will get major coverage, and some protests in Dag Hammarksjkold Square, across the street. Oppress your own people and you too can have that kind of fame. But by itself, tyrrany won't get you noticed. Hence the lukewarm, anonymous receptions that undoubtedly await the leaders of Equatorial Guinea, Uzbekistan, and Eritrea. So you also have to:
2. Be outlandish! Hugo Chavez, Evo Morales style! Chavez recommending Chomsky to the General Assembly while calling Bush "El Diablo" and crossing himself to ward off the stench of the host country's leader, Morales brandishing coca leaves before the membership... It's a pity Fidel Castro is too ill to travel. THAT would be a scene.
3. Advocate policies that aren't those favored by the United States and Europe! Thabo Mbeki has resigned, so he doubtless won't be coming, but had he done so, he would have faced a grilling for backing up Mugabe and Bashir, just as he did last year. Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov's every word will be parsed. If he says the words "Cold War" we'll have a media frenzy so great that the Presidential debates will go unnoticed, which given the state of Presidential debates in America might actually be a good thing.
4. Have nuclear weapons! People pay attention to the speeches of leaders from the eight declared nuclear powers, and for good reason.

But here's the best way to be noticed:

5. All of the above! North Korea, this means you. It's a pity Kim Jong Il is in no position to travel, nor intends to do so. If HE came to the UN, even Sarah Palin couldn't steal that show. As it is, the North Korean foreign minister will speak on Saturday, the penultimate day of the proceedings, when all the other bigwigs have gone home. What a buzzkill.

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