Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Sewage backup delays UN meetings

The UN's many critics who have called it a septic tank of corruption and incompetence were vindicated this morning, when UN meetings were postponed and the UN was partially evacuated as suspicious smells of methane and sulfur were reported. (The UN smelling of sulfur... didn't Hugo Chavez have something to say about this? Should we all cross ourselves?)

According to the UN Spokesperson's office, FDNY and hazardous material experts were brought in and determined that high tides in the East River had created a sewage problem by backing up the pipes. Gases were released from the sewage backup but were deemed not hazardous. Press were allowed back into their offices around 11:30 a.m.

So basically, the UN smells like shit.

Sidenote 1: The UN declined to speculate if the lunar eclipse had anything to do with the tides.
Sidenote 2: The UN declined to say if its sewage system was pumping directly into the river.
Sidenote 3: The UN declined to say if this had anything to do with construction or methane leaks caused by the Capital Master Plan, the UN's ongoing renovation of its own building.
Sidenote 4: The UN announced that tours will be resumed. Now the general public too can come smell the United Nations.
Sidenote 5: The United States had meticulously organized a UN "youth day" where children and teenagers would submit comments to the Security Council and participate in a Security Council open meeting. That meeting has been moved to the Economic and Social Council chamber in the North Lawn Building and is not being telecast. As a result, no one will cover this and a generation of international kids will remember the day they came to the UN and were evacuated by the smell of shit. I rather think they will all become neocons, no?

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